Tag Archives: self worth

Why You Are So Hard on Yourself – choosing self compassion over self-criticism

Listen to this special session that gets to the Root of WHY you judge yourself so much and then here on the blog, using the 2 questions below tell me one of your goals you promise to motivate yourself from self-love (like self compassion!) instead of self-induced stress

You are enough

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD, the “Getting to the Root of Why We Are So Hard On Ourselves:


(taped during the March live Love Talk call with The Love Club)


I’ve been working on the Reform Your Inner Girl book I’m writing with Amy Ahlers. So I have been diving DEEP into questions like…




I’ve thought about this alot – and the most basic, take it to the root answer is because, you, me, pretty much anyone who is not living on a desert island somewhere has been infected with the message:


It’s the root of most marketing campaigns. It’s at the root of many reality tv shows. It’s in most of our school systems, corporate systems, government systems, competitive based systems who run on not-enough fuel. Must make more stuff. Must get better grades. Must be the best.

Self Love Drawing Enough GardenSince Spring Equinox is all about planting fields – and while you may not be growing tons of grapes or corn – you are creating the field of your life, that will bear, or not bear, an abundant harvest in the fall, and feed you all summer and winter long.

So I thought this weekend we’d pull out those poisioned roots that grow lack, fear, criticism and the constant pressure to do, be and have it all… and super charge them with self love to be roots that grow more of what makes your heart and soul shine.

So that you can grow the things you want to grow and reap rewards from this year and create feelings of enoughness, compassion, you know LOVE and HAPPINESS instead of lack, fear and stress.

So what are you planting this year in your own personal field, and what LOVE will you feed yourself to grow this in a way that supports and nourishes you instead of stresses you out. And put self compassion and enoughness into your field of dreams!

Use this powerful two step process to plant your seed and find your Best Friend Love Mantra you can use to keep motivating yourself from self love instead of self induced stress:

1. My heart and soul desire to… (tell me what you are planting)
2. I choose to grow this with self-love and remember that if all I do is XX, I have done enough.

Here’s mine..

My heart and soul desire to write a book that will touch women and girls hearts around the world and give them access to tools that empower them to turn off the critical, judgmental sabotaging voices of their Inner Mean Girls and tap into the wise, compassionate and truthful guidance of their Inner Wisdom. I choose to grow this with self-love knowing that if all i do i write from my heart and take great care of myself in the process I have done enough.

Now your turn…

My heart and soul desire to…
I choose to grow this with self-love and remember that if all I do is XXXX I have done enough.

And remember you can still join us for a year of enoughness at the Love Club for the special rate of $10/month when you commit to a full year of love for yourself – the yearly registration special closes March 29th. Go to www.JoinTheLoveClub.com

You have done enough

Are You Pushing Yourself Too Hard?

Where you pushing yourself too hard… and creating unhappiness for yourself? Watch the video and reset your expectations – what would be enough??

You have a goal. Something important to you. Something you said yes to creating, doing, achieving because you believed it would make you happy. And so you go on your way to making that goal a reality, and then something shifts. You realize consciously or maybe not consciously that to reach said goal, you are going to have to push yourself to make it. Work hard. Cancel dates. Put pressure on yourself. And the thing you were doing to make you happy is now making you unhappy.

I’ve been doing this all week with my upcoming book about reforming Inner Mean Girls – pushing myself to get it all done in the next four days even though it’s not due for 6 more weeks. Uh, I think my Inner Mean Girl has been hanging on the couch with me!!

The truth is that while there are moments we need to push hard, those should be few and far between.

Your main way of operating your life should NOT be pushing yourself so hard.

Not if you are working in alignment with what is truly best for you, and what the divine had in store for you.

Why does it happen then? You make up these mental pictures or thoughts in your mind about what you should be able to do, and how fast you should be able to do it. And then push hard to get there. But what if… instead of pushing hard and driving yourself to what you think you should be able to do, you stopped, reassessed and did ENOUGH.

No more. No less. Just enough.

My friend Sam Bennett, who wrote this great book called GET IT DONE – without having to exhaust yourself to do it! – calls this going for the “C” instead of the A++ — which my achiever has a really hard time with. But my Inner Wisdom knows is spot on.

To make this work for me, I apply self love and my mantra I AM ENOUGH by asking myself the powerful question,”What would enough look like?” And then I give myself permission to do that. I can’t do the C but I can do ENOUGH!

Today I share it with you so you can stop pushing yourself so hard! And reclaim your happiness around the thing you decided to do to make happiness!!

Watch the video and then here on the blog, ask yourself the question, “WHAT WOULD ENOUGH LOOK LIKE?” and then take your self-love enoughness stand
1. I am pushing myself too hard to…
2. Enough would look like…
3. I give myself permission to …
4. And then claim it THAT IS ENOUGH!!

I’ll go first:
I am pushing myself too hard to finish all 9 chapters of my book in the next four days, even though the manuscript isn’t due for 6 more weeks. Enough would look like me having 6 chapters done really well and tight so I don’t have to go back to them. I give myself permission to only complete 6 chapters before I leave my writing retreat, trusting that all will be done in divine timing. THAT IS ENOUGH!

Now your turn! Post here on the blog…

And remember you are invited to join me to really take make this a YEAR OF ENOUGHNESS — to break habits that keep you from the compassion, care, pleasure, all that good self love. You can join me at the Love Club for a year of self-love! Check it out, www.JoinTheLoveClub.com

You are enough

Self Acceptance: Why You Never Feel Like You Do Enough… Achievers Amnesia.

Watch this video & acknowledge yourself for how much you have already done so you can start your year from a place of feeling ENOUGH!

I am seeing an epidemic going on that I think you might be afflicted by. And as you set out to create your dreams and go for your soul goals, I thought you might want to see if this is true for you (so we make sure you don’t create undue stress and pressure for yourself)…

You have a goal or a dream.
A project. Something you want to create or cause.
Or even just the things you want to get done it a day.

You put energy, time, money, love towards them.
And you reach goal. You finish the project. Reach the milestone.
You have what should feel success.
But somehow the feeling of success and accomplishment doesn’t last very long.

Maybe for a day or a few hours, you feel like wow, that happened. And then almost as if you get concked on the head you come down with amnesia … you forget how awesome you are, how much you’ve already accomplished, how what you wanted is actually occurring… you don’t celebrate or let yourself really RECEIVE what’s happened, all you can see is how much more you need to do. This is why of course, what you do rarely feels like it’s enough.

I call this Achievers Amnesia and so many people I know suffer from this. Even people in the public eye that you know and would think, ‘She is so successful’… in afflicted by this achievers amnesia.

Here’s truth love, this pattern of achievers amnesia creates stress, exhaustion and unhappiness for you… and you give so much to what you care about – be that your work, your loved ones, your body, your community, the world, that I am taking a stand as your self-love sister to make sure YOU APPRECIATE and ACKNOWLEDGE YOURSELF all the way through this year. Self Acceptance is grown by Appreciating, Acknowledging and Adoring yourself.

Watch this week’s love letter, take the daring act of love, and then make sure to put Feb 13th, Self-Love Day your calendar (i have a special invitation for you!)

Watch the video and then take the daring act of love to APPRECIATE and ACKNOWLEDGE YOURSELF by posting your ILOVEME list of 5 things you Choose to recognize yourself for.

I’ll start

I acknowledge myself for becoming a more kind person… for healing so many of my love cracks… for trusting the divine to guide my life and taking big acts of faith… for doing yoga every day for the past 90 days… for receiving a great book contract to write my next book which I am so excited to write. Ahhhh. that feels good!

Now your turn… post your five acknowledgements here and I’ll reflect them to you so you can feel them even more…

And then make sure to RSVP for the livestream Self Love Party on Feb 13th, my gift to you www.SelfLoveParty.com

Self Love Day Party banner


self love quote

Self Empowerment Blog – Choose Your Power Mantra

Watch this video to find YOUR POWER MANTRA for 2014… this is the YEAR OF >>> for you??

I just finished up a retreat at the sea with my Phoenix Rising spiritual mentorees who have been visioning, listening to their hearts and souls and getting clearer on what this coming year is all about for them.

Not one of them set a resolution.

But we did all get clear on ONE thing.

It’s the ONE most powerful thing I do every January, no matter what. I do it for myself personally. I do it for marriage. And I do it for my business.

I choose a Power Mantra.

I choose a Mantra for the entire year that reflect, encapsulates and vibrates the energy that I most desire to call forth, to live from, to experience in that year. One for myself. One with Noah for my marriage. And one for my business.

It’s my guiding star.

What I come back to when I get lost. What I remember when I feel stressed. What i make my choices and decisions from in staying true to living from my soul desires not my ego’s wants or needs.

Last year my personal Power Mantra was “The Year of Allowing” (I was all about going deeper in my ability to trust divine will to lead the way instead of my will!) My marriage Power Mantra was “The Year of Spirit at the Center of All Things” (which proved really helpful when Noah had his stroke and after as we felt totally held by grace). At Inner Mean Girl Reform School, the self-love company I run with Amy Ahlers, our power mantra was “The Year of Expansive Ease” (we were committed to only making choices that honored our desire to serve more people without it being at the cost of our own happiness and stress levels. We knew we could grow without having to push or exhaust ourselves and so this became our mantra.)

Some of my other faves from myself and others have been “The Year of Unleashed Creativity”… “The Year of Sovereignty”… “The Year of ME”… “The Year of Ease”… “The Year of Being Supported”.

CHOOSING a Mantra is powerful for MANY reasons, which i will share with you in this week’s Love Letter. A Mantra is MORE than a “theme”… more than a cute or cool phrase, more than some stake you take to feel strong or in control…

self love posters

Your yearly Power Mantra is like a spiritual handshake with your heart and soul that says YES I am willing to open up my life to be and receive THAT! To shift my mind, body and spirit into alignment with this energy that is calling me forth into a higher expression of myself.

Normally I only share my Power Mantra teaching with my inner circles and those I vision and dream with in January, but I felt really inspired to write this Love Letter to you about this today. I see so much being said about setting goals, intentions and visions from a place of fear, lack, scarcity, not enoughness

… or from places that make you feel like you have to DO something more, achieve more, push more, and that is just so not self-loving. Nor is it a way to create a life that is in harmony with the natural physical or spiritual world.

What I love about Power Mantras – the good ones, the ones that really support you to create breakthrough amazing years, is that they EMERGE from your heart and soul. It will reveal itself to you if you listen.

I’ve included some tips in this video on how to listen and even a short meditation to get you started.

I’D LOVE TO WITNESS YOUR POWER MANTRA… post whatever comes to you about your Power Mantra on the blog and I’ll send you over a blessing for the new year.

I’ll share my Power Mantra very soon with you!! For now, I’d love to hear yours… or at least where you are at with it, knowing it may continue to shift throughout January.

And if you can want more of what your heart and soul desires, come to California Wine Country with me in February!  For a self-love retreat all about YOU not settling for less than your heart and soul desire in 2014… all about YOU unleashing your creativity and self-expression… and all about you hanging up the Super Woman cape to activate your Feminine Super Power of Receiving.   Go here for the details. I’d love to spend the weekend with you! www.SelfLoveRetreat.com


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