Tag Archives: how do i love myself

self care

Self Love Blog: How to Ask For What You Need Without Feeling Guilty or Like a Jerk

How do you get what you need when you also are taking care of others and what they need?


Watch this self-love letter and find out how.

When we are over-focused on taking care of others who need our support or when we are afraid of what people’s reactions will be if we ask for support too… it can be REALLY hard to ask for what YOU need…

And if you don’t ask for what you need, you don’t get what you need. And if you don’t get what you need, you suffer.

In your life, there are likely lots of people who rely on you – and many of these people and projects you love to serve and support. And yet, sometimes, let’s be honest, you can feel like, “What about me? What about what I need? Who is taking care of me?”

Just uttering or thinking those words can feel so self-absored or selfish – and none of us want to be seen as selfish. So too often, you suppress voicing what you need, and you suffer and suffer, until you can’t take it anymore and then either blow up, become a martyr, or get sick.

For me, this last month I was SOOOO grateful that my soul partner was alive, that the man I loved so dearly hadn’t died, so how could it be that I had moments of not wanting to support him, but wanting someone to give to me? Shouldn’t I just suck it up and push through and take everything on, even if I had nothing more to give?

I knew from past experience that if took everything on myself, I would end up sick or worse full of resentment, or worse being passive aggreessive (I really don’t like that passive aggressive tactic of trying to get what we need – it’s so harmful and really doesn’t work.)

I wanted to be able to just ASK FOR WHAT I NEEDED. No guilt. And believe that we both could be taken care of. Because that is what self-care is… making sure YOU get what you need… and I did, and I was.

But I had to first know what I needed, then I had to find the courage to ask, and then open up to receiving that support in whatever way the Divine wanted to deliver it to me (which wasn’t at all what I expected).

So self-love moment here… take a short but mighty pause…
WHAT DO YOU NEED THAT YOU AREN’T ASKING FOR??

And what is keeping you from asking for it??? Go deeper, and really be honest about WHY you believe you can’t ask for what you need.

And then… tune in to this self-love letter video…

Where I share a little more of what I experienced about WHY it’s so hard to ask for what we need AND then share with you the 3-step process I created to help you get what you need no matter what… without having to be selfish, but instead creating more love for yourself and the people and things you love.

Then dare to take a big stand for self-care and self-love for yourself by stating right here on this self love blog, what YOU NEED right NOW… and ONE ACTION you will take to make sure you get what you need no matter what, self-care!

When you can voice what you need, you are much more likely to receive what you need. Voice it here, I’ll witness it and I know you will then take action to love yourself to it.

And, if you want MORE support on growing your ability to make self-caring choices, to give up self-neglect and choose self-love instead, join us this month at THE LOVE CLUB where we are growing our branch of self love with meditations, a daily practice, love mantras and more. www.JointheLoveClub.com

Self Love Mantra Poster

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How to Love Yourself when Your Feelings Get Hurt

We all get our feelings hurt – what do you when that happens so that you don’t create more hurt, but instead a great healing for yourself?

Did you ever notice that some of the people that you are closest to can hurt your feelings the most?

And most of those people – if you’ve done a good job of cleaning up your Love Rings and taking a serious stand for self-respect – don’t mean to hurt your feelings.

But when that sensitive heart gets hurt – behind all that tough armor and protective walls – it doesn’t seem to matter whether they meant to hurt you or not.

So you lash out… whimper in silence… go passive aggressive… make up stories in your mind… distance yourself… all kinds of activities that lead you FARTHER FROM LOVE and FARTHER INTO FEAR.

Watch this self-love episode, hear what I do when my feelings get hurt and then try this self-love 3-step practice the next time your feelings get hurt so you can give yourself a super powered love healing!

Making sure you get the love you need is self love. Use these three branches of self-love to heal the hurt and make more love out of the situation.

Step 1: SELF-AWARENESS – See the truth and own your stuff.
Ask yourself, “What is this situation triggering inside of me?” Take the other person out of the equation and really look at what this is telling you about you. Be honest. You have to own your stuff, and take responsibility for your love cracks. Even if you weren’t the one who created them, it’s your job to make sure you know them and heal them. Self-awareness and self-honesty is self-love.

Step 2: SELF-CARE – Take the charge out by giving yourself what you need. Ask yourself, What do I need to feel loved right now? And how can I give this to myself? Then give that to yourself. You have the power to give yourself what you need. And if you take responsibility for healing your love crack, it will be way more easier to tell the other person how their actions affected you without created more hurt, charge and disconnection.

Step 3: SELF EXPRESSION – Express to the person how their actions affected you without blaming them. Say to them “My feelings were really hurt when you said XXXX. I know you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, and I am OK. And what would be really helpful for me in the future is XXXXX.” Notice that you aren’t saying “YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!” which will just make the other person defensive. You are taking an act of self love by healing your love cracks and also by asking what you need from the other person.

DOUBLE DARE…POST HERE YOUR SELF LOVE SUCCESS STORIES — what has worked for you when your feelings have been hurt, that has led to more love?

Self Love Quote

Stop Putting So Much Pressure On Yourself… pour on the self compassion

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?

Have you ever stopped to look at just how much undue pressure you are put on yourself, everyday. To get things done by some self created deadline, to get a super human amount of things done in a day or month or year, to achieve things faster than a silver bullet?

Uh, and given all the stressors and pressures that are out of your control, isn’t it kind of crazy that you would ADD unnecessary pressure to your own life?

I decided this week that I was crazy if I kept adding undue pressure to my life – so I gave it up – yep, traded in the pressure cooker for the self compassion soaker – where I can can create space and grace instead of stress and duress. And I invite you to join me in using this week’s Love Letter.

How? Watch this week’s Love Letter video where I had a good talk with my Inner Wisdom (that inner b.f.f.) and found 3 ways that we humans (me and you included) create unnecessary pressure on ourselves.

Watch this week’s love letter video and choose which one is most affecting you, and dare to make a shift to self-compassion (one of the 10 branches of self-love) this week!

Let me know which one you are choosing to release here on the blog – and how you are going to apply self-compassion instead!

And if you want more guidance on Self Compassion, consider joining us at The Love Club www.JoinTheLoveClub.com

Be Your Own Best Friend

Friends with Benefits: 10 Reasons to Become Your Own BFF

You’ve been told your whole life to be a good friend to others – but what about being a good friend to yourself? After all you are the only person that is with you from the time you are born to the day you die — so it seems like it would be a good idea to be a good friend to yourself.

There are SO many benefits — here are my top 10…

You will:

  1. Never be lonely. You’ll always have someone to go to dinner with, take a movie with and take a trip with.
  2. Always be there, in a moments notice. You’ll always show up to listen, love and offer wisdom, no matter how stressed, tired or busy you are at the time.
  3.  Be honest with yourself about everything, especially your love life — even when you are dating a jackass, even when your heart doesn’t want to let go because you just don’t want to be alone, or even when you’re scared you won’t be able to do it on your own. You’ll be right there to tell you that you deserve more.
  4. Have no problem asking for what you need and want – whether that’s a raise, a vacation or a new love. You’ll stop thinking “Do I deserve this?” and start telling yourself, “Damn straight I deserve this!”
  5. Like yourself even when you’re not perfect — in fact, being imperfect will be a good thing, because no one wants to be friends Ms. Perfect. You’ll stop striving for perfection and start enjoying the extra time, energy and space imperfection provides.
  6. Tell yourself “I love you” and hug you at the exact moment you need it most. You’ll never have a moment when you really need to talk with someone, only to look at the phone and think “I have no one to I can call,” because you’ll be able to call on yourself for all the love you need to make it through that moment.
  7. Always find just the right words to say that make you feel like a million bucks – even when you feel like every one else is prettier, richer, thinner and more successful. You’ll don the rose-colored glasses of love when you look at yourself, and like an enamored and skilled lover, you will see the beauty and magnificence in you (even when you are wearing your slippers and sweats.)
  8. Stand up for you without question — when anyone – be it family, friends, lovers or co-workers – is being unkind to you, is taking advantage of you or is trying to guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do. You’ll be right there to make sure no one pushes you around or crosses your boundaries.
  9. Love your quirks and idiosyncrasies – even when they are sometimes annoying or mean everything is going to take more time. You’ll see your ‘unique’ expressions and use them to your benefit.
  10. Always forgive yourself, no matter what. You’ll ask for forgiveness when you need to and you’ll give it to yourself.

Okay, convinced that being a BFF to yourself is a good idea – lots of perks yes? But how do you actually do that?

This book is the official guidebook of self-love … and better than that is a fun adventure to being your own BFF – check it out at www.TheSelfLoveBook.com 

 

About Christine Arylo & Self-Love Day

Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches people how to put their most important partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the love and life their hearts and souls crave. The popular author of the official self-love guidebook Madly in Love with ME, the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, and the go-to guide on self-honor and self-respect in relationships Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love.

Arylo is known as the “Queen of Self-Love.” She created Madly in Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making self-love a tangible reality for people around the world. Check out her free Self-Love Kit at www.ChooseSelfLove.com