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Watch this love letter video to learn how you can transform relationships in which you don’t feel or receive respect – no matter who that person is.
Because here is the truth — YOU DESERVE TO HAVE ONLY RESPECTFUL, LOVING RELATIONSHIPS…. and lots of them. And NO ONE gets a pass at respecting you. Mother, father, mate, brother, sister, grandparent, relative, friend, boss, teacher, whomever…
As an act of self-love, I invite you to take the promise of “I only have loving, respectful relationships” and this week, get honest about one relationship in which the energy between the two of you is NOT full of respect and love.
Then… follow the steps I lay out in the video, and transform the energy between the two of you. Now, let me be clear, don’t expect that all of the sudden you are going to create some Hallmark version of a relationship, that is likely not going to be the outcome. Because ultimately you only have the power to control your own actions.
Taking this stand and these steps will however, help you to put relationships in the right place in your life, shift the energy between you and people who can’t or wont’ respect you, and open up your life for more loving relationships from those who can.
Then, as an act of self love… here on the blog write down THE SELF LOVE ACTION you will take to transform at least one relationship in your life in your vow to only have loving, respectful relationships. I’ll be here to witness you knowing that when you say you will do something, and hold yourself accountable, you are more likely to do it.
OKAY… now your turn…
I’ll go first, using an example from my real relationship with my sister that I DID take action on…
“Even though my sister and I fight a lot, and we swear, yell and scream, I no longer accept this energy in our relationship. I committ to shifting the energy between us by no longer disrespecting her. SO when we fight, she gets mean or calls me names, I will tell her that I will only talk to her if we can be respectful to each other. If she cannot do that, I will SET A BOUNDARY and will walk away. I will NOT spew out disrespectful energy. Because I only choose to have respectful, loving relationships, and that means I only give respect. I won’t be a a doormat or let myself be victimized. I will set a boundary and choose LOVE, for myself and her.”
Or if you are really ready to make big change, take a 40-day self-love practice with me that is all about taking and keeping the self love promises, I WILL NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN MY HEART AND SOUL DESIRE … and I ONLY HAVE LOVING RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS. It’s called Choosing Me Before We. Go here to see more. www.ChoosingMEbeforeWE.com
Watch this video where we share 3 things you DO NOT want to do if you want only loving respectful relationships. Then choose one of the “respect killers” we talk about, and dare to give up this toxic habit. Post which one you will give up and what you believe giving it up will give you.
For example: I give up calling my sister a bitc…you know what (or any other nasty name.) And I know that this will give me more happiness because I won’t be creating negative energy inside myself.
I did this over a decade ago with my sister. We used to fight like cats and we had the mouths of two girls from the south side of Chicago. We were skilled with our profanity! When I took the self-love vow to have ONLY RESPECTFUL LOVING RELATIONSHIPS, this was the hardest relationship for me to change.
But I had to start with not contributing to the disrespect by swearing at her and calling her names. I had to choose SELF RESPECT first… who did I want to be? Because the self love truth is that no matter how much a person is mean to you or tries to get under your skin, they are still a divine being of love, who deserves love. This doesn’t mean you become a doormat or a victim or stay in close relations with people who are mean and abusive and disrespectful. But it does mean that YOU have to choose first to stop contributing to the disrespect. That is part of self-respect
And that is what this weeks Love Letter is all about.
More on how to be in relationship with people who can’t and won’t respect you in next week’s love letter.
If you want other people to respect and honor you, you have to GIVE respect first, to yourself and others.
Yes, it’s true… you can’t be a raving lunatic with your mate, or talk smack about your friends, or say dis-respectful things to people you love and expect them to shower you with respect. And this shows up differently for all of us. Maybe…
1. You are the kind of person who gives respect to others, gets disrespected and then goes into doormat or victim mode or
2. You demand and expect respect from others, but sometimes don’t always play by the same rules or
3. You come from honor and respect most of the time, but sometimes you just can’t come from love with certain people…
We can all hone our skills in relationships, so that we create MORE LOVE, without sacrificing our own self respect and without settling for less than the unconditional love we deserve.
For now, watch the video and take a stand for self -respect and love and give up at least one of these toxic habits. Write it here on the blog and then ask your Inner Wisdom what you think you will receive… and write that too so you can see the benefit.
And if you want more support on creating the BEST relationships of your life, try the 40-day Choosing Me Before WE self love practice – check it out at www.ChoosingMEbeforeWE.com
Watch this self-love video to find the deeper answer to why people – why you — choose to stay in relationships and situations that are not respectful, that don’t honor your soul, heart and dreams.
While I could tell you that the reason we sell ourselves out and stay in non-honoring situations is because of our parents, our societal beliefs, the media, yada yada, I am not going to do that today. Not because those things don’t have an affect – of course they do. (if you’ve read my book Choosing ME before WE, you know I totally tried to re-create my parents dysfunctional relationship, until I starting growing my self respect and self honor branch of self love.)
But today I want to take you deeper, out of just your mind, into your heart and soul, out of your mind… because that is where we can make powerful shift, fast without having to spend 10 years talking about it. Self respect and self honor = taking actions that honor your soul and heart.
So take a moment and pause here… look around at your life – at your relationships, with partners, children, relatives, friends, co-workers, bosses, everyone… and notice, which of these relationships are not honoring you?
Some may be toxic, controlling, demeaning, abusive even, others may just be the WRONG situation… in any case, the relationship doesnt honor or respect you, yet you stay. Why?
Watch this week’s Love Letter video to find out WHY we stay in situations that don’t honor ourselves and then choose one act of self love… why you have forgotten that you are sacred and how to never forget again.
Then Post here on the blog — WHAT ONE ACT WILL YOU TAKE EVERYDAY THIS WEEK TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE SACRED.
I’ve given you a few thoughts in the video. You may have your own. Post them here so you can hold yourself accountable to your self-love actions.
Think of your action like a ritual. Sacred things require ritual. You need simple sacred rituals to remind you everyday that you are sacred — you would never let a being you felt was sacred, a child, an animal, a friend stay in a dishonoring situation without attempting to help them. You deserve your love today!
AND IF YOU WANT SOME EXTRA LOVE AND SUPPORT IN YOUR STAND FOR SELF HONOR AND RESPECT, HERE ARE TWO RITUALS I CREATED FOR YOU
TRY THE 40-DAY SELF LOVE PRACTICE, CHOOSING ME BEFORE WE go here www.ChoosingMebeforeWe.com to find out more.
or JOIN THE LOVE CLUB THIS MONTH – where you’ll get a meditation, support, a live call with me and more to strengthen your ability to choose ONLY RESPECTFUL HONORING SITUATIONS AND RELATIONSHIPS go here to learn more.
When I first met my now husband Noah, who I affectionately refer to as “Walking Love” for his great ability to give love fully and freely, my love quotient – my capacity for receiving love — was the size of a pea. Which meant that although I had finally manifested a man into my life that could offer the love that I had yearned for in other relationships, I was unable to let all the love in. At times, he and his love were so much to take in, that my stunted capacity to receive love would become completely overloaded.
Sure, I could allow bursts of love in – hand holding, PDAs (public displays of affection), and his unconditional kindness and consideration felt so good to my love-starved heart. But there would always come a point where the love Noah gave reached a threshold that was way too much for me to receive and my internal system went haywire.
In these moments, even though my heart knew I had hit the jackpot of love, I did what any scared-to-death-of-real-vulnerability girl would do in this situation of love overload… find reasons NOT to like this man! Too bald, too many holes in his socks, not ambitious enough (by my over-achiever standards), whatever excuses my self-sabotaging subconscious could find to eject this love out of my life, and it found plenty to obsess about.
While I couldn’t see it at the time, the truth is that I was pushing out and blocking the very love my heart and soul craved. Why?
Because I was scared to death. I wasn’t open to love.
It was like there was an emergency RED ALERT system that when Noah got too close, would trip a wire that activated a warning system that blasted, ‘Intruder on the premises! Security about to be breached!” Noah, because of his ability to offer love freely was about to get through walls that for many years, no man (or woman) had ever breached. He was becoming dangerously close to penetrating the deep layers of protection I had spent years building up around my heart to keep away any chance of being hurt. Until this point, however, I had no idea that these walls were there. A loving, smart, outgoing person with lots of friends and family, you never would have known either. My pea-sized love quotient at the time, unfortunately is about average in size.
We all build walls of protection – you, me, your sisters, friends, mother – because we’ve all been hurt.
Our beautiful, loving, open hearts have at one time or another been tromped on, broken or betrayed and so our normal, and probably necessary action at the time, was to build walls, force fields, layers of protection around our hearts… resulting in the miniature, shrunken love quotients most of us walk around with. But there comes a time in each of our lives, when, if we truly want to experience love to the capacity we all yearn for deep inside, that we have to be willing to melt away the force fields, take down the walls, and slowly step forward to reveal ourselves, our hearts, our vulnerabilities, and our innocence to others…
opening up ourselves to RECEIVE more love,
which in turn allows us to FEEL more loved,
which then allows us to GIVE more love,
resulting in love quotients that grow to be as wide and vast and deep as the Grand Canyon.
Over the past 10 years, I have made a conscious effort to increase my ability to receive love. It has been my intention to create a life in which I am surrounded by love. This past month I celebrated my birthday, marking a decade of a commitment to self-love I made to myself, which I know is where all love starts. As I looked around my life and as I received ALL the love that came my way – from Facebooks, to phone calls, to celebrations – I felt like a Rockefeller of Love. Wealthy beyond wealthy in love. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving!
You too have the ability to increasing your capacity to receive love, to expand your love quotient, and like building any muscle, I recommend starting with smaller emotional practices and risks and building up over time, so that when the big kahuna of love walks in, you are ready to Receive baby!
Build You Capacity To Receive Love – Your Love Quotient
1. Practice receiving small bursts of love, like compliments or random acts of kindness. We’ve all done the dance when someone gives us a compliment to push the energy somewhere else. At our best we say ‘Thank you’ without fully receiving the love, and at our worst we discount the compliment, ‘Oh, this old thing? Had it for years.’ Or said, “No thank you” to a stranger who offered to do some small favor for us – like lift our luggage, let us go ahead in line, carry a bag, etc. These are all instances of blocking love. Reject love in small ways, and you block it in big ways. My friend Marci Shimoff, author of Love for No Reason, says it takes 20 seconds to fully receive a compliment. To increase your love quotient, when someone gives you a compliment, say “Thank you” and add on to it with what you love about what they’ve complimented you on. And next time someone offers to help you, say YES! Thank you. And receive the love.
2. Start with Self-Love. When you love yourself, no one can take love away from you. And the more you love yourself, the more love you will naturally attract in your life. These are facts. So take a vow, or several, of self-love. A good one to start with is, “I promise to give myself unconditional love and respect, always.” In my first book, Choosing ME before WE, I included the 5 vows of self love I originally took with myself – there is a chapter on each. You can also download the free Self-love Kit I created at www.ChooseSelfLove.com
3. Identify your form of protection & let it go. What is your form of heart protection? Have you hidden your heart away in some obscure location for safe keeping, built walls like Fort Knox to keep out intruders, or even let her shrivel up to seemingly fake death. When you can identify your mode of protection, you can start working on letting them go. Take a journaling or visualization adventure to find what is holding your heart hostage. Ask yourself questions like, “What is keeping my heart protected?” “What have been the incidents in my life that have caused me to protect my heart?” “What is my heart afraid of?” I’ve worked with clients who have rescued their hearts from refrigerators in the forest, uncovered them through layers of death shrouds, unlocked layers of steel walls, all kinds of wild adventures. Once you find what’s keeping your heart protected, thank the protection for it’s service and imagine taking your heart back by putting it in a safe place inside of you. As you work to increase your love quotient using some of the suggestions listed above, come back and check in on your heart protection and see the progress you are making in letting your heart, and yourself, out of captivity to be free to receive love fully!
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If you’d really like to open to love, break open your blocks to love and have relationships you love and that love you back, join me on February 17th for FEARLESS LOVE live from Agape – www.DayofSelfLove.com OR for a 40-day Self Love Practice… that’s all about YOU creating the best relationships of your life, starting with the relationship you have with yourself! Find out more at http://www.choosingmebeforewe.com